Tips on How to Avoid Overstepping Boundaries with Senior Parents

Do you have a loved one that’s starting to slow down, needing assistance with harder tasks, or possibly losing a safe autonomy? This can be a trying time on both parents, children, an any loved one around.

Should We Parent The Parent?

We desire what’s best for our elderly parents. As our parents age, it’s not necessarily a straightforward task to determine our role as adult children. However, if we are not very careful, it’s possible to find ourselves overstepping boundaries with senior parents and trying to parent them.

Avoiding boundary issue is particularly true when safety is an issue. There is a thin line to walk between making sure senior parents are safe and promoting the independent way of living they need and deserve. It wasn’t all that long ago when our parents were taking care of not merely all their own needs, but ours as well. The changeover from caregiver to care recipient is usually frustrating and painful for seniors.

This Is A Hard Transition!

Keeping the tough transition in mind, be aware that particular facets of independent life are precisely what an older adult may now be missing.

Hurt Feelings — Arguments — Fractured Relations

And when we are not careful in exactly how we approach these losses, it can produce hurt feelings, arguments, and fractured relationships.

For instance, one part of senior independence that’s often affected is if others stepping in to take over tasks that could now be a bit more challenging and take a bit longer for an older adult to accomplish. Although the intentions are certainly good, it is actually harmful to a senior’s self-worth and self-esteem. An improved approach is to allow a good amount of additional time and only offer assistance when truly necessary.

Yes, one of the primary indicators of freedom is the capability to drive, going wherever and whenever we please. When driving is no longer safe for a senior, it’s vital to approach the topic with empathy and tact. Neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez explains that adult children often lose patience with their older parents, ultimately saying hurtful comments that can be truly traumatic.

When talking with elderly parents, he recommends avoiding phrases such as “You are not allowed to operate a vehicle anymore!’ It’s much kinder and more effective to supply the elderly with choices and to engage them in brainstorming a feasible alternative. An excellent example of this might be “I’m sure it’s getting more challenging to be able to see clearly now, which must make it challenging to operate a vehicle. Let’s talk about some options that will allow you to go wherever you want safely.”